


It's Him

by AutumnQuest



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Falling In Love, Growing Old Together, M/M, One Shot, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 07:15:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16132313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnQuest/pseuds/AutumnQuest
Summary: Levi begins to realise he's been watching someone a little closer than necessary."The wind catches his golden hair and sets it like sun beams back into the sky. The sun and Icarus are getting far to close. Levi closes his eyes but all he sees is the outline of an unmistakable profile. A sharp nose and cracked lips, rounded cheeks and straight jaw. His fingers twitch, he counts to ten."





	It's Him

Thousands of moments all clustered into one burst in the forefront of his mind. But this one was the finger on the trigger, the safety off.

He sat silent, vigilant from the dark corner of the room just watching. Cataloguing every little move and detail; searching for things to analyse.

Observing the curve of strong fingers around a coffee stained mug. A light grip on a feather quill pinched deftly between thumb and forefinger. The furrowed mouse blonde brow and dry bitten lips. Puffed exasperated cheeks - huffs of exasperated air, finger tips at temples and earlobes being pulled.

A slowly spreading red wine bruise just under the jaw, subtle stubble. Sleepy eyes and tired shadows.

All of it counted and registered, each thing seemingly more important than the last. For some fathomless reason – some mystery that was blind siding him - each thing so vitally important.

_Why now?_

He watches from his perch, frozen in place as all the little things click and fall into some place within him. A place that seems so familiar though foreign, a place he’s embarrassed to have.

It’s because of this embarrassment that he will refuse its existence and hold his tongue.

He’s uncomfortable. His skin feels exposed. Itchy. He chides himself for this immaturity, no one is watching him. If it wasn’t for years of discipline, his cheeks would flush. _What was that?_ Twisting heat in his gut, pressure building near is groin.

Inspecting again.

A line of dirt on the inside palm cracking over calluses. Boots, fitted snugly to defined calves, capped in mud. White trousers soiled a dried red. Blood. Blood of a Titan or a cadet? At any other given time, these messes would have irritated him to no end but somehow their existence here doesn’t. _Why?_ If anything, their existence makes him sad, anxious – protective.

A fraying, cracking harness worn to comfort. Leading brown leather lines across a broad chest, reaching over solid shoulders. Hugging him.

He dares not move lest he draw attention. His stomach doing strange things, his manhood reacting to the damn military supplied harness.

The night races on as he collects more and more details he somehow never noticed before. Weren’t so fascinating before. Like the fracture twitch of a jaw when the other begins a new letter. The dark gleam to his eyes that weighs the ocean blues with sadness. How he sits, to the side a little, arching his back to the left like he has a pain on the right. _A trapped muscle or nerve? An old injured that they have never spoken of?_

At the left corner of his hair line, wisps of fine baby hair have escaped their rigid order, rebelliously reaching out after a long day of toeing the line.

He moves a little at the sweet feeling that fills his head. Awkward and uncomfortable at the thoughts. Stretching his legs out; surprised to notice the keen ache in every muscle.

He’s sat for hours simple staring.

__

In bed he lies completely naked, the air is hot, the summer burning on into the night. A sliver of moon lights his room.

The moon? How lonely it seems, high, high up surrounded by a thousand silver points winking. Solitary - Levi thinks. She waxes and wanes and seems to have less love upon her than the sun. She is beautiful. Cold and distant. He thinks of her as kin though he doubts his own beauty.

Loneliness is meekly defined as sadness because one has no friends but what if that loneliness was created by choice? Likewise, defined as the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation. Usually the decision for self-inflicted loneliness coincides with a comfort within isolation.

It’s only human to strive to not be alone but what happens when humans consciously decide to be alone? They are regarded as black sheep; a lone wolf.

Wolves love the Moon too. Levi’s a wolf.

At face value Levi knows he is feared and respected for the unknown of who he is and his convictions. Convictions being a distaste for bullshit, small talk and tit-for-tat. Erwin is no fool, he knows this about him so how – if he chooses – does he tell the man he wants to change that? That he want’s him to know his unknown and realise he’s more than a black and white no-shit soldier.

Up until a week ago he had selected loneliness, preferred isolation but now -- he’s making a quarter life crisis U-turn. Is it even possible to turn back now on years of following a lonely path?

The answers allude him. The night runs on and again she races across the barren sky to slip away, unwatched and unloved by everyone but the wolves.

__

Again - his mind wanders. Following the lean muscle of tightly fitted, boot clad calves. The slight pull of the white cotton over broad shoulders otherwise perfectly tailored. He has gotten bigger recently, sparring together was getting harder. Erwin determined to be as good as him. It was a challenge and it only drew him close with each counter attack.

At the meeting point of his collar bones the turquois pendant nests. Subtle five-o-clock shadow on a sharp jaw. He tries to imagine what unkept Erwin would look like, the shadow would be gone in the morning as part of his regular routine.

They would both stand in their towels at the wash basins in the communal bathrooms. Erwin’s hips would peak out from the towel, his tall frame exposed. Levi would stand away for him, small but sharply following his own morning routine. His eyes would wander over the mirror at angles to catch glimpses.

Glimpses of his gold dusted chest. The finely defined muscles of his abdomen. Scarring proof of a few broken ribs. Freckles scattered haphazardly on his shoulders.

As he would – to his more primal side – sneak a look at Erwin as he leaves the shower. Hopefully catching sight of the rounded lines of his ass, the prominent muscle concaving his lower back. Dimples – two.

Or he would try and leave the shower first in the hope that curiosity would win over the other man. Erwin had no issue telling Levi how lean he was, how envious he was of his strength and agile muscles. But was that just a healthy appreciation of another soldier’s performance? Or was it personal compliments?

Erwin looks up from his papers alerted by his heavy gaze. He smiles; cheeks lifting, laugh lines bursting to life, little crow’s feet at his sleepy eyes. He says nothing but goes back to work.

He can’t stand it.

He stands to leave.

__

Out in the field the sun is hot on his skin, the leather sweating against his shirt, tightening around his shins. Childishly he tries to stare at the sun, fighting it. As if he could fly up to it, fly close and douse it with endless water. Put it out and let is smoulder in a mess like he was the night before. Damp and laboured twisted in his sheets, aching.

An eclipse. Erwin’s shadowed silhouette above him like a tower. The Sun.

He laughs and lays out beside him, stretching. His voice lowers intimately, giving commentary on his day as if he asked. He had finished all the reports and condolence letters. Levi marks the jaw twitch again at the mention of the letters.

Its pains the man which pains him.

Chuckling – he lightens the mood - he prides himself on having had time to organise and dust his office. Levi snorts, Erwin’s head whips towards him but Levi steels his face before he sees.

He continues. He says he feels refreshed from a good sleep last night – he thinks that makes one of us, was I in your dreams because you were in mine? Some say if you dream of someone they are dreaming of you.

_Erwin, are you dreaming of me?_

He says he’s final made the decision to move his room closer to the office. This also meant close to his – will he hear, feel, smell his frustration through the paper-thin walls? Will he realise what sounds he’s making into his pillow, his hand wrapped around his shaft, his body sweating? Will he finally _see_ him in the morning at their routine, blush creeping up his neck?

Slightly, ever so slight Levi turns his head, straining his eyes further to see. It creates a sharp ache behind his eyes but he endures. He counts the rise and fall of the man’s chest, the bobbing of his Adams apple. He’s undone the chest strap, it’s too tight now after all the training they’ve done. They don’t have the fund for a new one or new ones of anything. He’ll try and fix it for him.

The wind catches his golden hair and sets it like sun beams back into the sky. The sun and Icarus are getting far to close.

Levi closes his eyes but all he sees is the outline of an unmistakable profile. A sharp nose and cracked lips, rounded cheeks and straight jaw. His fingers twitch, he counts to ten.

From memory his hand ventures across the warm grass, tickling the callus pads, he almost retreats when the search is fruitless – almost. He's brave, he's strong, he's resolute.

His hand, pinkie finger outstretched, rests beside a warm softer hand but he knows it’s hiding similar calluses - he’s mapped them from his chair.

Erwin’s hand radiates in welcome; is unflinching at the approach.

He thinks to himself. Being not alone wouldn’t be that bad. A wolf can like the Sun too.

Erwin loops their little fingers together as they bath themselves in the heat of summer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone that has left kudos, a comment or simply just read!
> 
> Two people have shown interest in being Beta readers for me on future stuff so hopefully things will only get better from here! However, I write for multiple fandoms and more help the merrier. If you like my writing and would like to help me improve for future projects - if you would like to edit an already posted fic for me - please feel free to drop me a message on any of my SNS below. 
> 
> Thank you, Ashleigh.
> 
> Tumblr (Mixed Obsessions) - AutumnQuest  
> Twitter (Gaming & Stuff) - AshleighTookey  
> Instagram (Bookstagram & Odd Travel) - AshleighTookey  
> Goodreads - AshTookey


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